Vinyl Records

2012-02-07T14:30:00.000+08:00

A Man I Can Love

I want a man I can love.
A man whose love for me
Was decreed by our Lord above.
I want a man I can trust,
A man who I’ll want to respect and honour,
Not because I ‘must’,
Or because obedience to him
Was upon me thrust,
But because he respects me
And honours me,
And deals with people in a way that is just.
And because, above all that,
He respects and honours the Words of our Master,
And this will make my heart beat a little faster.

I want a man I can learn with,
Someone to hold hands with.
Let the man
To whom I’ll give my hand
Be a man I can laugh with.
I want the little things,
And from this,
Love begins.
And with it,
Rahma and Mahabba
From our Lord it brings.

I want a man who will lead me,
A man who will accept me.
One who will guide me,
Protect me,
And lovingly correct me.

I want a man who makes mistakes sometimes
And is willing to take some time
To admit when he is wrong.
One who doesn’t always try to be strong
All on his own,
But allows me to come along,
Stand by his side,
And be his partner,
Lifelong.

He should be a man with a beard—
Now wait,
I know you might think that’s a little weird,
But, even though I want a man who will love me,
I want him to love our Prophet
SallAllahu ‘alayhi wa Sallam
More than he does me.
I want that love to show on him,
In the way that he dresses,
And the way that he moves.
The way that he loves me,
And the choices he may choose.
It should be the means by which
Our life together improves.

I want a man I can grow with,
Someone I can sow with
The seeds of our trees
In the Gardens of Jannah.

I want to fall in love.
Just once,
Just him.
Forever and ever.

Ameen.

Ruqaiyah Davids, Poetic Wednesday Co-Winner

2012-02-06T22:59:00.001+08:00

Ancient blog.

Ever since I found 750words.com, blogger seems so emm, lackluster.
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School's been merciless, nothing new. But, being the optimistic me, I try to see the good in things. Can't complain I don't have a student life although I ought to be investing the same, if not more, amount of time for academics. Then again...

Having endless commitments, I thought being wired 24/7 would bring great convenience. Unfortunately after a month trial, it only proves to be a bane. I get distracted by a whole slew of junkmails. Not that I am looking forward to read the crucial ones either. Email etiquette needs to be adopted by everyone. It ain't fun if you can't decipher the content at a glance, let alone think someone's reprimanding you when they're actually just updating you about something else.

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That aside, it was nice to meet old friends again the last week. 21st parties are happening every month now. Tis' the time to tie my stomach into knots and save for 21st birthday gifts. Honestly, I am not one who look at the value but the meaning. Although not everyone shares the same sentiments as me. It doesn't exactly help that I am unemployed. I hand out my respect to those who manage to juggle school and work for I am one who doesn't have that physical or mental strength to pursue as such. Might give it a go next semester though, never know my true threshold yet actually.

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It's been going on for years now. Neither am sure on how I should say it, nor have I plucked enough courage.
Then again, there's more to life (now) than the need to be more than just friends aye?
p.s. I'm in love! :D

2011-10-11T11:21:00.001+08:00

"not a leaf does fall but with His knowledge. There is not a grain in the darkness or depths of earth, nor anything fresh or dry, but is inscribed in a Record Clear to those who can read." - Surah Al-An'am, Verse 59.

-time to realign those intentions-

2011-10-06T02:03:00.002+08:00

youtube & facebook addiction is bad.
flooding school email is not making things any better.

2011-09-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

When things fail, you seek salvage from Him.

Others may see this is as such naivete or even hypocrisy from an educated individual. After all, aren't we ourselves the masters of our fate? I don't subscribe to such ideology, as it only creates remorse and dejection when you fail. In the most foolish of ways, believing in the existence of a God that has total control on your life, allows you 'push the blame' on him when things go wrong. Of course this is not the mentality a believer should adopt as it only becomes contradictory.

The thing about having a religion, it always gives you this sense of hope in times of trials and tribulations. Depression is never suppose to be an option. When you fail, despite Great Pride hindering you to accept Defeat, you learn to give in. You become optimistic in life, taking it that He has something in stored for you. And that it's a test He set out for you, to see the level of faith for Him and faith on fate.

Unfortunately, I may have missed the whole point of this for the past few weeks. Suffocated by responsibilities & overtly committed to work, I neglected something so crucial. Something that could have only kept me rooted to my sense and sanity.

A few signs here and there were being spotted unintentionally. To me, that's enough consideration to be an assurance that despite my negligence, Someone never stops looking out for me.

It's a shame yet it's humbling.
All I can ever do is take but never will I be able to give back even a fraction of what He gave.

2011-09-19T18:06:00.002+08:00

"They make you think you've got spirituality, but it's really just emotional alchemy"

2011-08-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

It starts with a dream.
Then comes courage for the venture into the unknown.
I caught a glimpse of the possible future.

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School is barely into its first week and I am feeling the intensity. It's not the academic matters that is straining me (yet). It's the endless student life activities I somehow trapped myself into. On the hindsight, it will all end before midterm break. Hence I sense a fulfilling AY2011/12 Term1.

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You see that lil' cosy hideout up there? If all ends well, that could be my new restaurant.

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There is limited choice of outlets around school area serving Halal food. As much as I groan and grumble, I know I have to be the change I want to see. It was an aspiration, but mustering enough courage was too tedious a task.

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"If you want something, real bad, the world would conspire to give it to you"
Cikgu Zain mentioned it back in my tkgs days. And it's something I will never forget. Things have their own ways of coming to me. And when that opportunity is being served outrightly in my face, it's hard to resist.

A friend just contacted me, asking if I would like to be partners for this joint venture. Nothing certain, just a decent enquiry, but one big enough to conjure a thousand ideas in my head.

This could be a start of something new. Something I strongly believe I should embrace.

InshaAllah, I will make it happen. :)

2011-08-14T04:02:00.004+08:00

PERSPECTIVE

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It's all about perspective. What the western world called the 'Dark Ages' of mankind, we muslims call the 'Golden Ages'.

Honestly, I myself too found this ironic: Muslims claim that our religion and the Quran to speak the truth, having all the solutions to the problems of the universe. However, in today's world, it seems like Islam&Muslim IS the problem.
It's as though we have no relevance or contributions to the mankind at all. We created terror, instilled insecurity, implanted fear in others.

Not sure why the history books never reveal this other side.

Muslims are suppose to practice humility and eradicate hubris from our hearts. A desire to spread their scientific findings for human advancement and not solely for posthumous glory.

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2011-08-08T16:34:00.001+08:00

Another year older.

‎"You are 46, not so young, but still not very old for a country. There is time for you to relax, correct your course, and readjust your priorities. You will always be No. 1 in some areas, but chasing No. 1 in all is bound to lead to heartache for you, and for your people. No empire can last infinitely, just like no one can be on top of the world for all time." -JLB

2011-08-01T00:50:00.010+08:00

Ramadhan Mubarak.

Life and death is never at the mercy of Man. Hence, it is humbling to know I am granted another year to once again meet with the holy Ramadhan.

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Honestly, fasting is no easy feat (without gradual 'practice').

Back in those innocent days, I used to fast for the sake of getting $1 for every day. Though I can still recall those mischievous days where I gorged down french fries secretly on the way home from school. I swear that was all done in the name of innocence. Frankly, if I told Mom I was famished, she would have been humane enough to allow me to break fast and feed me with decent non-fast food.

Trying to me steer me away from my juvenile crimes, the bargain was raised to $2 a day. That was an offer one cannot refuse (seeing how my daily income was only $1.50). Come Syawal, I was $30-$60 richer - even before the Raya Rounds (read: green-packet collection from generous relatives). Sure those attractive baits worked like a charm.

Not sure what manipulative tactics others used on their lil' ones. Sure Mom&Pop may have taken a more materialistic approach in teaching me this religious decree. But that was not without instilling in me the true reasons why we should fast and how fasting confers endless benefits. Come to think of it, it was a lesson well-taught, subtly introducing me to the concept of 'delayed gratification' and how you've simply got to work you bums off to get what you desire. And of course how I should appreciate my food more, regardless of what's on the plate - to be grateful I do not suffer the plight of those in poverty. Yes, those cliche moral values we take for granted now.

Little did I know then that there was more to fasting than a 'painful device' utilized to drill some ethics into me.

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Unbeknownst to many, fasting is not only the abstinence from food&drink for 14hours (dawn to dusk). It is a true test of faith and perseverance. Temptations and ways of the world tend to spoil our purity and austerity. We indulge in savories all day long, be it elaborate meals or minutely nibbles. The inability to control that carnal desire to fornicate or have impure thoughts. When we argue, we leave our decency aside and resort to vulgar talk and even physical fighting. These of course are the extremes of ends, though I hope you get the point.

Now when one is fasting, he or she cannot do all of that. When one looks at the mouth watering food, he cannot even taste it (at best, just avoid looking then!) and one has to give up snacking and nibbling as well as smoking cigarettes if one does. Sexual passions have to be curtailed (& of course this is meant strictly for married couples). Also, self-restrain towards provocation should be practiced.

It may very well sound like torture.

“Allah does not intend to inconvenience you, but He intends to purify you and perfect His favor to you, so that you may give thanks". (Surah al‑Maidah, S: 6).

He does not gain nor lose in the absence of our prayers or our existence.

Hence, for each Muslim to feel obliged to perform these duties wholeheartedly, one needs to understand the Spiritual & Health benefits fasting & Tarawih Prayers (Long Night Prayers) brings to practitioners.

Honestly, I only learnt it today; that even the latter had scientific (medical&health) benefits. Never realized that every single movement in our prayers had benefits similar to that of slow mild exercise. Well, we learn something new everyday don't we?

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The only few times where euphoria, tranquility and serenity can be felt all at once.

2011-07-29T15:56:00.000+08:00

2 more days.

2011-07-29T15:51:00.002+08:00

Acceptance

I'm glad I'm selfish enough to know how to not let this country rob me of my life.
~Alvin Tan, TNS

At the stage where I am standing now, acceptance seems to be as indispensable as it can ever be. Gone were the days where blissful ignorance reign and I can just do what I desire without the fear of judgement from people around. Don't I realize, though, how the pressure of acceptance simply weighs down on me, hampering my very existence and abilities?

Just read about Inch Chua, a home-grown Indie artist who is deciding to migrate. She feels very much "heartbroken" from the lack of support&acceptance from her own country to progress forward as an artist.

To be honest, her opinions do have some truth in it. Relative to mainstream education&career party say Business, Accountancy, etc., the Arts scene is not given as much priority&exposure as the former, albeit the opening of Arts Schools and all.

However, I believe an irate voice in a public letter is not be the answer to her frustrations. There are so many Singaporeans out there who took decades in the Art Scene, before eventually succeeding. The Necessary Stage (TNS) has gone through even greater obstacle, than what she is experiencing. Having established a theatre company from scratch has even greater hurdles - how Alvin&Haresh were allegedly reported to be pro-Marxism, and all. In a nutshell, they have a very Juicy history.

Maybe, it may come to you that it can be easier said than done. I may not be in her artist shoes to fully understand. Let's look at the flipside. Mind you, being a minority, a female muslim minority, acceptance doesn't exactly get served on a silver platter. I know a fair share of companions who are already struggling in the real world, as they climb the corporate/civil service ladder. In a varsity where Malay Muslims are a rarity, even more so for those who don the hijab, I reluctantly get the stares as though I lost my way and stepped into a new dimension of my own. Call it exaggeration, but there is a great deal of discomfort and awkwardness, and this is only something you can fully fathom if you were in my hijab-ed shoes.

While it has taken me a great deal of time to come to terms with this judgements, I try to my very best to take advantage of the situation and make the very best of lemonade out of it. Take it in my stride. In my case, I don't think running away to another country can very well make my situation any better.

Having suffered insecurities during the first few months of school, I consulted Dad for advice. He did encouraged me use the 'attention' I am getting to dispel stereotypes and preconceptions people have of Muslims, especially Muslim women. While the hijab is suppose to draw attention and (sexual) gazes away from us, somehow the tables have turned simply because we become an object of fascination. Mind you, that noun is the most subtle one I can think of.

I am very much interested as to the perception a non-Muslim Singaporean's have of me. Judging from Western media, it's as though Muslim women are a bunch of deranged&backless humans who conformed to religious decrees (just to appease God&go to heaven) by allowing their husbands to beat them, to get stone if they commit adultery, to allow for male supremacy to dictate their lives and oppress their beauty&dignity by swaths of cloths.

All I can say:
The learned should be shrewd enough to make their own judgements based on what they learn through knowledge and not what the media conditions them to think.

Acceptance should not come to the expense of you leaving your own morals&principles. Appeasing one crowd will only lead you to displeasure another. Moreover, opinions of people don't remain stagnant. For somebody who upholds a faith, my desire for acceptance should only be the acceptance of the Almighty. As long as I am aware of my real intentions and ensure that my doings are not against syariah, inshaAllah, He will accept me for who I am.

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Venturing into my Junior year in a few weeks time. Decision on major declaration needs to be made very soon as well. Yet another leap of faith.

I have had a life plan all this while. Do far, everything is going well. However, my confidence was slightly shaken when I allowed myself to the indoctrinations of people. Many said I made a wrong choice of going in business (better prospects in accountancy), bad major choices (not much prospect of good-pating jobs). I appreciate these as advices, if these people indeed had gone through them and maybe failed. Even then, I should not take such as a deterrence for me to fulfill my dream. Instead, it should be made as a precautionary measures.

My life plans is to eventually start up my own restaurant, having my parents retire on our own bed of wealth and not depend on whatever hand-outs the government does offer. It is indeed a big, huge insurmountable risk to take and I very well have jitterbugs thinking of this likelihood of a future.
But it is a risk I will take, god-willing.

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Funny how in the spur of the moment, talking about Inch Chua made me talk about myself.
There, you have it.

2011-07-25T17:03:00.002+08:00

Putting things into perspective.

I offer my condolences to the families who lost their loved ones in the Norway Massacre.
Was not a bit surprised by the false allegations Media made that the man guilty was an Islamist terrorist, without any form of knowledge if it were true. Seems Media has implemented a new principle: "Guilty, until/unless proven innocent".

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Doubt it is nothing new to experience that hunger for knowledge. It's not a bad thing too when it springs up during leisure times; when academic-related matters are nowhere near that brain of mine. It makes that knowledge gain have so much more meaning instead of the usual strive to ace the test.

Having my house still in shambles after the paint job, I found a healthy supplement of kitabs&books I never knew was hiding in Dad's stash. Despite most of them being in Malay, I foresee them being good reads. Topics spanning from religion, psychology, politics and what-nots. And of course this is a chance to improve on my Mother Tongue as well. It's appalling to know I have been living with this library going unnoticed, under one roof. Almost positive this stack will keep me away from the library for a good one month or so.

Time to rev up that brain engine of mine before school semester starts all over again.

2011-07-24T21:54:00.004+08:00

2011-07-20T00:48:00.001+08:00

If not for him, who would I be today?

As he entrusts me with it, it was a sure sign of the faith he has in me.

It set me thinking.

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Thank goodness he came out of it unharmed. With that, Dad brought home the lorry. Been eons since I hopped on that smooth ride. Back in the tk days, that was my ride everyday to and fro school every single day. He kept his promise.

Today, it was like old times all over again. Had a good talk with my Father about matters. Since recent times, I never thought this special bond could be forged between me and my Father. A preconceived perception has been etched in my mind, making Fathers an isolated figure of authority. An absent presence, likened to that of Mr Bennet aye.

Never did I realize my Father was different from his Father. Never did I realize that my Father is more affectionate (&not afraid to show it) than any man I know & more approachable to discuss about anything under the sun (& never brushing me off & letting his pride take over his wisdom). Indeed it is a timely realization, seeing how this new phase of my life has suddenly brought an outburst of thoughts. These discussions almost serve as an avenue for me to seek solace, for an otherwise disturbed and distressed mind.

This special bond we have is nothing I could have ever imagined say 5 years back. I have a whole new level of respect for my Father. I have been foolish to think that my Father is just that man I see after 6pm who puts the bread&butter on the dinner plate. I was too foolish to see beyond the wisdom he had embedded in him, despite having only minimal formal education in his young days & even now. Having travelled all around the globe for the past 30 years as part of his advocation & work matter, indeed he has learnt beyond what any textbook can narrate to him.

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He has always imbued in me a religious upbringing. However, I cannot deny that I went astray many a times. Even now, I am constantly on that soul-searching process. Yet, things would have been harder if not for the guidance he provided me.

I hope I have not taken him for granted. Indeed it is a blessing to have a father figure present. May he be granted longevity & health by the Almighty.

2011-07-18T06:45:00.001+08:00

\

2011-07-17T00:50:00.002+08:00

2011-07-17T00:42:00.002+08:00

Been relatively dormant from the virtual world for quite some time now. I am not the addict I though I was after all. Accomplished bucket loads of things-I-have-been-dying-to-do-but-procrastination-takes-the-better-of-me.

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For the past months, there has been a strong urge to renew myself; physically, mentally, spiritually, and of course changes which extends to my surroundings (of which I have control over). I count having a room of my own one of the greatest blessings ever bestowed upon me. A personal space of sanctuary to retreat into after all the madness from a day's work. The cleanliness of my room is an extension of my state of mind. And currently, things are in disarray.

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Mom always had the upper hand of having the final say on the final paint colour. This time, I had complete creative control. For the past months, there has been a strong interest in turquoise/Robin Egg's blue. Something about the colour just exudes this therapeutic feeling that leaves me in a serene and gratifying state, macam zen gitu.

While the photos don't do much justice, trust me, I am smiling every single day I wake up to a newly painted room. It's like experiencing tabula rasa. As though having a newly painted room gives me a new lease of life. Coincidentally, it's Nisfu Syaaban today hence this is a timely reflection.

Still under construction though.

Unfortch, termites infested my bed and side table, hence the floor bed. Still comfy though. Thinking of monochrome floral/damarsk murals on the wall. Won't that be groovy?

Great dim lighting there. Ain't this just cozy. Give me a bean bag & a small full-stocked fridge and I'll never leave my room.

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2011-07-06T11:31:00.003+08:00

Bidding for next semester's modules are on. Fortunately, I succeeded in getting 4/6 of the classes I bid for. Trying my luck to get 1-2 more just to clear core modules in time. This is a great achievement considering how most of my peers only have 1 or 2 modules. Luck may be in play. But considering the number of people achieving this same rate of success (as me) is considerably a record low, I don't think the system is to be blamed (entirely). The bidders themselves should learn some 'bidding ethics', assuming it should exist seeing how Ethics is a core module we are obliged to complete.

It seems that bidding for modules is a norm in Singapore university. Friends in overseas universities find this system alien, and I had great joy in explaining it to them. Undeniably there are the perks and downfall in such an innovative system. One thing for sure, it greatly reduces the chances of the school site from crashing. But one thing for sure, in such rat races, the whole process only proves to be as anal as it can get. Especially in such a society where 'kiasu-ism' thrives and people seem to be proud to associate it to a part of their Self&Identity.

I find it perfectly fair for me to give my view, unbiasedly. Since I got what I wanted at GSS prices, I've got nothing to lose. Peers of mind bid almost 3 times the price I did for their choice classes yet still failed to secure a spot. In it, I see a few obvious problems.

Being overly-picky

Sure, everyone wants their A+s and that uber awesome profs who captures every inch of interest and undivided attention for the next 14weeks. But, let's be realistic here. Bidding ALL your mods for the popular profs? It's like trying to ballot for NDP tickets every single year and having full confidence you'll get it. By the way, as patriotic as I can be when GE was ongoing, I doubt I would be much enthusiastic come 9th August, seeing the much amusing songs and dance they have in store. Seriously?

One thing for sure, I may be unconventional and my tactics to choose my classes may be frowned upon. But hey, seems like everyone's desperate for classes now and I spared myself that anxiety weeks ahead of everyone else. It's tried and tested and it works like a charm. I doubt many will dare adopt that method as long as that 'kiasuism' is etched in them. I still succeed in getting good grades with non-commercialised and undersold profs.

Of course I too have jumped not the bandwagon once in a while. But I am fully aware that I may not be as lucky as before to succeed in such bids. Hence, the importance of being realistic.

Apart from kiasuism, I too see a flaw in the system. You know that age old idiom: early bird catches the worm, it seems to be obsolete now. It's not about sticking to your screen, having your fingers glued to the mouse, waiting for that moment where you're one click away from writing your destiny for the next semester. It's about who has the most. The hyperinflation that constantly occurs semester in, semester out is because of the mentality that you've got to 'invest' all the e-dollars for the class you most desire for. The whole objective of teaching students to be visionaries, speculators and what-nots seem to have lost it's purpose.

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2011-07-05T14:38:00.000+08:00

I've seen photographers get on their knees to capture an angle,

And painters lay on their backs to cover their canvas

A lover gets on one knee with ring and heart in hand,

And farmers bow their backs as they tilth the land,

So why is it then considered so strange,

For a man to fall in prostration in view plain

Of all, in the middle of that street you know

Is he not an artist, or a lover, with seeds to sow?

-Ammar Alshukry

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Something that caught my attention on the web.

Never knew that besides an act of submission, there is a health benefit behind prostration.

Shameless Confessions

2011-07-01T22:55:00.005+08:00

Shameless Confession

If you haven't knew yet, girls share everything with one another. You know we're at it when you hear the girly giggles or see those searing scorns we give on another. Although sometimes, some things are just worth keeping to yourself.

I found this one particular 'fetish' of mine seems rather fascinating. Hence I decided to share with Judd&Dougie during our lunch date today. Never thought it would become an object of ridicule. Ouh on the side note, IKEA's meatballs&chicken wings are now Halal. Hey, what do you know!

Back then, I took the liberty of updating Judd on the going ons of the GE via whatsapp, despite being fully aware it was redundant. Come one, even the Pakistan online news was covering our GE, to think the british news would not have covered it?

I was rather overzealous, being reeled in and getting caught up amidst the GE hype. Dad&I spent quality father-daughter time watching online telecasts of rallies. I even made my way down for my first life one. Immediately, I had my first (ever) political crush. There I've bear it; that's my confession. Not sure how hilarious it seems to be but it has become a source of entertainment for 2 beastly souls I call friends.

How it all began:

There's an overrated superficial description many women desire for their dream man: tall, dark and handsome. Us being of indian descent, the 'dark' component becomes an inside joke. Moving on, the charisma of a tall Pritam Singh, swept me off my feet. The rigor in his speeches and the oozing passion for the nation (go youtube him leading the pledge, I was there yo!) is admirable. In addition, one always feels a connected to these leaders when communal issues pertaining to your own race is addressed directly, something many other nominees seemed to ignore, maybe because . After all, he has a diploma in Islamic studies. Something I myself is lacking in. Hence, the admiration.

Probably the overtly enthusiastic manner in which I expressed this interest seems to much for them to handle, making me sound as though I was promoting a future husband. Hey, it's not bad a catch, don't you think? Earning a (more than) decent salary, bright prospects beyond being an MP (he is pursuing his juris doctor in SMU), and mature in age and thoughts.

There, a shameless confession which quite frankly, I do find rather hilarious after reading it, now that the cat's out of the bag.

2011-07-01T22:14:00.003+08:00

Not one of the best accessories she can own, but a new one she is forced to don on/off for the next few days.
While caressing her, I found a gaping wound near her hind legs. Unfortunately, the squirmer in me was not able to handle the mesh of pus, fur and blood. Not sure how it got there; I suspect an injury incurred during her frivolous climbs up my wardrobe.
Bro brought her to the vet@tamp;tamp which costs a whopping $170.
She was placed under anesthesia, resulting in a very cranky cat after that. Been sleeping most of the time.

Needs immense nursing for the next few days with the medicine-taking and wound-cleaning.
Hopefully the poor dear can sense that all these inconveniences is for her own good.

"There, there".

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2011-06-27T14:08:00.001+08:00

If only we had cobblestone alleys.

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Coffee

Book Cafe on Mohammed Sultan

Papa Palheta 140 bukit timah road

kith cafe @ 7 Rodyk Street Watermark @ Robertson Quay

Loysel's Toy Cafe @ Kampong Bugis

Books

Birds & Co. @ Orchard Cineleisure

polymath & crust @ 86 club street

25 degrees celsius @ 25 keong saik roa

2011-06-27T14:03:00.000+08:00

INTENTIONS (Ni’at)

Purely intended or unrealised, well-meant or for dodgy agendas, Intentions become an integral matter that drives us into wanting or even doing something. Some can be generic like the intention to quench a thirst with a drink. At times, certain intentions are hard to fathom by strangers, in this case, intentions of why a commandment was even laid out and the fact that people actually abide by such code of conducts.

While having a chat over supper with a couple of friends yesternight, a short topic of consuming alcohol was raised. We seem to unanimously agree that drinking is a self-induced financial burden, self-induced detriment to our body, and of course that much unneeded inconvenience of a great hangover. Undeniably, people still do it because it’s a social norm and of course for that momentary ‘feel good feeling’ you can’t achieve in a sober state.

Having to endure an insomniac night, my mind was caught up with a slew of thoughts. The urge to pen it down was immense too. Hence the post.

Fortunate or otherwise, I have always been bound by religion; forbidding me to have a go at alcohol or its’ equivalents, for pleasurable intentions. Frankly, I cannot imagine how I would turn out if I was not guided by such principles in life. Would I be those who had the ability to control myself or those who cave in to desires and will eventually bring my whole life to a state of destruction? This image always in my mind when thoughts of prohibitions come to mind: An obedient puppy sitting in submission to its master, as a juicy bone is dangled right at its nose. Its tail wags side to side, salivating, mind going berserk on the thought as to when it can indulge into that tantalising torment.

Unlike this poor puppy, I am purged from any desire to want to have a go at the bone (read: alcohol), under any circumstance. Because, I am fully aware of the intentions behind this prohibition.

Coming back to the topic of intentions, the conclusions we made earlier are exactly the same reasons why alcohol is prohibited in many religions especially the Semitic ones. Unfortunately, this clear explanation was never explicitly laid out to me when I attended my first few Sunday schools in my life. Maybe because I was too young then. Nonetheless, it was that inquisitive nature to want to ask, “But why,” that led me to understand my religion more than what these classes can offer to ease my queries.

When intentions are set out clearly beforehand and made known, the tendencies for acceptance is greater. It is especially so when the reasons for such implementations are at the best interests of the individuals who have to endure the constant Q&A sessions to clarify our beliefs, and to ease the battered soul that there are better things in life to look forward to and missing this one does spell the end of the world.

Then another unsatisfying question haunts the mind: If the omniscient God knows of the endless harm and inability of his creation (human) to control this desire, then why creat alcohol in the first place? Hmm, valid to ask I guess. Hence come again the intention of alcohol. To my knowledge, alcohol has the ability to ‘heat the body up’, something very useful if you live in the tundra regions. We can’t even deny its medicinal value for sterilisation and pharmaceutical uses. For the bonus part of it, for those who can bury the temptations, of course juicy bone rewards awaits you. It’s all about delayed gratification, hence the saying that’s overkilled: Patience is a virtue.

Having to endure an insomniac night, my mind was caught up with a slew of thoughts. The urge to pen it down was immense too. Hence the post.

Unlike this poor puppy, I am purged from any desire to want to have a go at the bone (read: alcohol), under any circumstance. Because, I am fully aware of the intentions behind this prohibition.

2011-06-25T00:44:00.003+08:00

Wanting a new lease on life, she decided to embark on finding a new interest. Embracing the spirit of versatility and well, open-mindedness, she decided to join a sports club - martial arts to be exact. She's always loved netball but needless to say how vast the skills required are for such a feminine sport (so they say) relative to martial arts. There wasn't ever an intention to take the art seriously though. A purely recreational approach was taken when she first attended the inaugural training.

Somehow, she plucked enough courage - and after much indoctrination - and entered the arena for her first real tournament. Let's put it this way: A deer set loose in the lion's den. ~~I was~~ She was brutally defeated but her spirit was never broken.

Hence, again for the second time, in less than a year, an impulse decision has let her to agree to represent the team under a Single's artistic for the upcoming competition this July.

----

Give me a decade an that'll be me. We've got to start somewhere; an aspiration is a good start.

----

After having a taste of sparring, indeed artistic silat is a separate ball game altogether (I should have stick to netball). Coming back to my roots, I have always been in a team game. Always had the role of keeping the foundation together and never the one to shine. The pressure is intense. Now, the limelight is solely on me and the anxiety has already kicked in even before I master the next 3/4 of the choreography. Let's again say that my inability to dance is haunting me now. Technically, anything that requires choreography is my poison.

Therefore the 7day week training will start this Monday. Can't deny I am rather enthusiastic and hopeful about this one.

Might I add how intrigued I am by Life and her great tricks up her sleeves. Wonder what game she got for me for that one.

------

2011-06-24T00:34:00.000+08:00

Ethics of Outsourcing Pregnancy to India - Michael Sandel

Above is just one of his thought provoking lecture I chance upon. Read about him in the news; famous for his philosophical pedagogy. He's practically worshipped like a rockstar in Japan (according to the report that is). Seldom you get professors being put on the pedestal, right? Anyway, his lectures are indeed intriguing. Do check him out if time permits.

Indeed it is a trade most commonly practiced by the West. Just a side thought (which could be biased due to my Asian upbringings), the West seems to have one of the quite an erratic response in terms of accepting what is deem as a social norm. As open as I can be, I do find the liberalism and secularism observed in that society rather frightening. Ethics become an issue because everyone has 'freedom of speech'. Where are the boundaries? Can one even be drawn? Seems like an imminent challenge faced by non-homogenous societies.

One of the earliest memory I had of being introduced to the American-style 'freedom of speech' and what-nots was this anecdote: a burglar who broke in through the window and accidentally stepped onto the victim's child's toy lorry and fell and hurting his back can sue the owner for liabilities. Funny story though.

Anyway..The video lecture is sufficient enough to provide a satisfactory argument. Don't exactly have a personal commentary to include for now.

2011-06-19T23:40:00.001+08:00

Freedom Fighters.
Throughout history, there has indeed been significant groups of individuals who simply wanted justice to prevail.

Pondering back at the revolution occurring in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya, and across the Arab world, knowing that most of them are my Muslim brothers&sisters, indeed struck an unchartered section in my heart.

Once, I largely saw people as another contributor to the population demographics. But now, Empathy is sprouting its roots in me.
----

Was fortunate enough to receive complimentary tix to watch Maher Zain yesterday. Has never been that a big of fan. Yet somehow after yesterday night, I now can instantly rattle the lyrics out. An lebanese born-sweden dweller, aeronautical engineer turned singer, now has become my source of inspiration. Maybe it's timely too. After all, I am still on that soul searching journey.

Despite knowing the avenues I can turn to, I still feel incompetent in many ways possible. Probably because I have been neglecting the spiritual and physical aspect of my self for so long. And to turn into a new leaf is indeed grueling and demanding. But I have faith in myself.

Fighting for my freedom to be me and to submit to no Man but Allah.
-----

2011-06-14T01:14:00.002+08:00

"Between The Lines"

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
These opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

2011-06-14T01:01:00.001+08:00

Just making the best of what the world has to offer.

ouh you will know if you're meant for it.

(yet) To-do list: Homemade sorbet

2011-06-13T18:52:00.003+08:00

Death is an unfortunate event.
It's anticipated, yet it comes knocking unexpectedly.

When it's the death of a loved one, handling emotional, financial and familial issues may be relatively less complicated.

When a dear friend is overcoming grief and anguish from the death of her father, as a companion, I feel hopeless and useless. I confess for my lack of coaxing and comforting skills. When do you know the grieving period ends? Has life returned back to 'business as usual'?

Two dear friends have seen their sole breadwinners moved on in the course of this year.

In life, we always take things for granted. But, it's inevitable for you to contemplate on the possibility of a role reversal-my family being in their shoes.

As a daughter:
Have I love my father enough?
Have I prayed enough for him (while he is still breathing)?
Have I made him proud to call me his own?
Have I showed him gratitude for the sacrifices he did?

At times I feel I may have shown double standards towards Mom & Pop.

-----

Rushing off from sch to p.ris now for the funeral. Hope all is well. InshaAllah.

posted from Bloggeroid

2011-06-11T11:44:00.000+08:00

Been some time since I attended a camp, though it's the first that I became a facilitator. Back to back events has taken a toll on me. Apart from the sheer exhaustion, the body simply gave way. Hence been recuperating for the past 2 days. Yet to find my lost voice and everything is alright.

----

Jakarta trip was long deserved. Vacations have a different feel when you're residing in relative's houses. For the first time in the last 12 years did we finally visited goduncle&wife in his humble abode. I must say having families in the developing countries allow you to see the extremes of life; rural to urban living.

To be the only child flying off with mom&pop- since the twins were busy with Os preparations- need I say more about the excessive pampering I was showered with. It only got better when I fell severely ill while touring Bandung.

One thing I learnt the hard way: the subjectivity of time and distance. Sitting in the car for a good 4 hour drive is no joke to us Singaporeans. To them, it's child's play. Uncle has all the bragging rights when he informed us of the recent 23hour drive from Jakarta to Jambi, his hometown for the previous Aidilfitri.

-----

Barely 2 days to rest, I was all set for the next event on my to-do list: MJC's Leadership Training Camp. An impulse decision made me sign up (alone) for the alumni facilitator post a few months back. There were moments when I regretted committing to such a huge event but after this week, I am very much satisfied.

Indeed it is an honor to be the pioneer batch of actively deployed alumni for a school event. It is even more interesting to see graduating batches from 2004-2010 working hand in hand to bring the camp together.

Seems like MJC just have avant-garde ways to train their leaders. Last year they incorporated paint-balling. This year was sandcastle building.

Apart from all that, we were fully aware that we won't be paid or heftily rewarded for our valuable services. Hence we were all very much surprised to receive $35 vouchers.

Previously, the one great thing that bonded me to mjc had to be band. This great experience has brought me even closer to my alma mater than I ever was in ways I never thought it could.

------

Off to class soon.

2011-05-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

off to a week's retreat till 3 June.
Au revoir!

2011-05-29T02:23:00.002+08:00

The saying "you learn something new everyday" took a new meaning for me today. Technically, yesterday. I found out something so riveting, to some extent appalling, which supersedes the need to research on my malay heritage by tenfolds or more. Not sure if it's something many may agree with but personally I can't help but find the logic and rationality in the explanation.

Be it you are a Muslim, Christian, Jew, or even Atheist, we are all victims of this conspiracy theory. For whatever reason you may, I suggest those interested do read-up on it cause it is one intriguing topic you shouldn't miss out on. Watch it with a pinch of salt or bucket loads, you can't deny there is some truth in it can you?

-----
Anyway, all this was sparked when Ustazah shared with us something about "Illuminati". First time hearing it. Sometimes when you go for religious class and learn something new (and interesting), there is that urge to share it with the world. Some may take it that you're being sucked into the religious vortex of indoctrination. After all, the classes have agendas, no? Whatever it is, as much as I could, I try to do my own readings on topics/discussion that's compelling. After all, if it was good enough for me to miss that snooze, it is good enough to learn about it. It's not challenging what the Islamic principles teach, but it's trying to understand the reason behind why certain things are implemented. Only then can you fully understand and accept the teachings. Anyway back to topic.

Illuminati, freemasons, media, mind control. It is believed and supposedly proven that a "global elite" is controlling the world, or seeking to take control of it. The Illuminati is supposedly a secret society who has risen to direct a private board of elite in key business areas.

I've once blogged about 'mechanized demand'. In some sense, The Illuminati may be responsible for all these materialistic desires we deem necessary. They create inflation, recession, depressions, and manipulate world markets, etc. Their aim is to create crises and then manage and resolve them, making them seem as the 'savior'. Eventually, the convinced global masses will easily have fallen into the hands of these puppeteers.

At first, it may sound absurd. But after some thought, I can't help but agree. Might I add that this is without any religious notions attached. Just from a liberal, secularistic point of view.

Think about it. Think about the economy. What economist does is to predict the behavior of the economy, and the problem I see is that their predictions may drive the economy towards the direction they forecasted, or otherwise. Both ways, the outcome has been anticipated. In some debates, the IMF, UN, WB, - apart from it's world peace facade - are seen as tentacles of The Illuminati. We know how loans from IMF come with many strings attached, to the point that these debtors are almost at the mercy of the organization.

Now, moving on to the Media. After the recent GE, it's hard for me to see the Singapore's press and news broadcasting the same way again. We see a sole proprietor governing what news is reported and how it is reported. In simple bias terms, it's hogwash. It's easy to see this as a microcosm of the global media. And we all know how Hollywood is the big guns here. Pursuing further the conspiracy theory of The Illuminati, it is said that some superstars have embraced the teachings, making it sound almost cult-like. Frankly when we look at this further, there are religious implications but I don't feel like discussing about it now. So, let's leave it at that.

My mind is still in disarray about this topic hence the disorderly commentary. Just felt like putting the theory into perspective, into something I can relate to rather than providing an explanation for it. We've got google for that job.

Nonetheless, it prompts me to reevaluate my intentions. Plain intentions on why I want to achieve success. If the theory holds true, then the reasons why human fall into the trap or desire to be the ones behind the trap is

Lust for power
Thirst for wealth

Of course this may be an extreme representation of prosperity. But seeing how many turn to the vile and corrupted path to attain it, I can't help but feel I may too fall into the trap if I never constantly review and align my intentions to the proper moral ethics. Ni'at is the first step you should take before anything else.

2011-05-28T20:14:00.001+08:00

A kitchen without a sous chef.
A herd without the alpha dog.
An orchestra without a conductor.
A family without a father (mother).
A ship without a captain.
A school without a principal.
A company without a boad of directors.
A country wihout a government.

These worldly institutions fall into anarchy without a ruler.

A world without a God.

An exception for the universe? Well, somebody's got to run the show don't they?

posted from Bloggeroid

2011-05-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

"I can't brag about my love for God, because I fail Him daily. But I can brag about His love for me because it never fails."

#5

2011-05-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

ملايو اسلي ديتوليس دلم جاوي بوكان رومي

How the malay language should have been written and retained in: Jawi not Rumi.

Jawi ( the authentic Malay consonants and vowels which has Arabic influence infused into it)

Rumi (the English alphabets)

------

A thought provoked by an innocent conversation with a friend. What does it mean to be Malay?

Food? Festival? Fashion? Folk?

Language? Label?

Not harping on the past issue pertaining to the book&the comment. Just a personal reflection of who I am and who I ought to be.

When the same question gets hurled at me time after time, I always get stumped. There is no clear definition. Especially when official documents state something else but looking at your bloodline, it's something else all together.

-------

All this ambiguity is unsettling. Lots of reading up to do on my supposed ancestors - there is definitely something more to be proud of than knowing the Malays have a richer history besides being fishermen and villagers. It's impractical trying to contemplate on complex issues when you're clueless over the most mundane things. It is indeed a shame.

2011-05-27T17:51:00.000+08:00

2011-05-27T17:17:00.001+08:00

#3:

2011-05-26T23:52:00.003+08:00

“A woman is made from the ribs of a man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved"

#2

2011-05-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

An orphan, she appeared at our doorstep one day. It's a habit for us to leave bowl of biscuits and fresh water just in case nomads decide to drop by. She'll sneak pass the open gate, creep towards the offerings and gorge down as much as she could, with ears all attentive and limbs positioned for that leap of a lifetime (just in case we decide to catnap her).

Somehow, she ended up inviting herself in. Extended her one night stay to a full-time residentship. 3 years and counting. No need for rent, expense fully-paid for. Good thing she came toilet-trained (except for the occasional bed-wetting when she gets nightmares).

The love and affection she get is as sincere as we can offer. The baby talks are needless yet it's still practiced. It's as though she's the baby of the family. The love you can get from her is something you can never truly explain. Her reliance on you makes you feel so needed and appreciated. Especially when she is the only one awake at midnight, perched by the gate waiting for your arrival home from a hard day's work. She'll tag around, yet it's not as nuisance as a baby sister/brother who would wine. Her every cry just melts your hard despite the emotional tension you're experiencing.

She's unlike that bowl of goldfish who only swims around and respond only to the sight of the food pellets floating above. She's unlike that puppy you need to constantly provide attention, having to walk it every evening. She's dependent, yet independent.

Despite that great conversational barrier, instincts seem to connect us together.

--------

Anyway today we made a bold move. Brought her along for a car ride around. Rochor - Sengkang - Home. Was apprehensive. Glad to see she actually enjoyed the joyride despite the initial shivers and muffled wails. Bet she will be tagging along now overtime we leave the house, in hope she can hop on and join the crowd.

"Gosh I am missing so much. The world's not as square as it seems."

Now back on my bed, all exhaustion from the sheer exhilaration. Fast asleep with her tummy facing upwards, paws placed sideways.

-------

It's not an obsession. It's an illustration of a type of love. Try one. Therapeutic I tell you.

2011-05-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

Singapore Management University
Do you know that the Li Ka Shing library in SMU is probably the only library in Singapore with the longest day-day operating hours (8am to 12am)? One of SMU's effort to show their unrivalled support for their students. (:

Not sure why but I just find buckets load of hilarity in the last sentence. Call me a cynic or what you may, the irony is: I am a part of this deranged demographic.

2011-05-24T20:36:00.001+08:00

The affection keeps cropping up when she least expects it.
It comes and go.
But it lingers around longer than its time of absence.
Therefore, is it real?

Something I will never quite comprehend.

----

Ikea meatballs&chicken wings are now officially HALAL.
Not a big fan, but still,
hurrah.

2011-05-23T13:57:00.001+08:00

First heard her sing when she was 19. Way back then.
There's something about bri'ish talent.
Simple, powerful, pure talent.

2011-05-20T21:23:00.002+08:00

Blackbird

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

been having the mood for effortless acoustic musics.
simplicity seems to bring home the point spot on.

---

the birds at 2:00 brought back memories of the mj armenian times.
boy i'd pay to play again.

2011-05-17T20:18:00.004+08:00

Got to adore the views from his house.

Merah (Red) - The mother to the other 5

Dot
Hitam (Black)
Bes (Big)

(-)

Bubble - 16 years old.

They would otherwise have been put to sleep if not for the care of Uncle K&K.

Salute.

2011-05-15T00:06:00.003+08:00

Restless. Slightly bored.

I decided to ransack the fridge and see what I can get my hands on to stir up some mini cake storm.

Would be meeting them girls tomorrow for breakfast as well. Requested my playmate to join us, not knowing that it is her birthday today. Hence shall make my cake serve a bigger purpose: a belated birthday cake for my lil best friend.

Sweet serendipity!

The trial cake looks like a failure. Hence I shall upload the real one tomorrow when it's piping hot and iced.

It tastes really sinful, though this only applies to extreme chocolate and caramel addicts like yours truly. The mars bars melts willingly with oozes of awaiting-indulgence flowing onto the platter as the spoon caresses the cake. Oh the urge to stuff the face into that tray of goodness.

On the side note, my summer term resolution is to lose 5kg. Main reason: Desire to qualify for a class lower; Class C for next tournament. Wishful thinking.

Homemade Masala Chai - Savour the spices.

Gotta love Mustafa Centre for their endless inventory. They should consider real estate & automobile dealership just to complete the business empire thingamajig they're running. Singapore's own TATA.

2011-05-14T18:31:00.006+08:00

666th post. Just saying'

-----

This post I stumbled upon proves to be timely.

Lengthy but worth every second spent reading it.

Calls me to revisit my intentions thoroughly.

Been a while since I did a spiritual reflection of myself.

-----

Question:

I understand that hijab is required, and I’ve been wearing it for some time now but I feel like putting it on might have been a mistake. I don’t feel like it’s made me become a better Muslim, and I feel almost like I’m deceiving people because they look at me as an example even though I’m still struggling with a lot of things. Also, if I take it off, is it really something Allah will punish me for? It seems like such a petty thing. Isn’t the most important thing having a clean heart?

Answer:

Assalaamu `alaykum dear questioner,

Thank you for asking this question which opens up a number of important issues, and for entrusting us enough to share with us some of what you’re struggling with. I ask Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) that He makes the words that I write beneficial to you and others who are reading, and that He leads you to the best decisions.

I’d like to start by addressing what I believe is the least important factor in this equation, and that is ‘what other people might think.’ It should never be the case that we alter our practice of Islam or our worship for the sake of other people, or what they might think or assume. People may be quick to judge or jump to conclusions, but whatever thoughts or opinions they have are strictly their responsibility, and not something we should be overly concerned with.

You said that you’re worried that wearing hijab may be deceiving, because people see you as better than you really are. But in truth all of us are sinners, and it is only from Allah’s mercy upon us that He is as-Siteer - the One who veils our faults and our flaws, and makes us seem better than we really are in others’ eyes. One famous scholar said, “If sins had a smell no one would come near me because of the stench!” Every single one of us has deficiencies and weaknesses, has made mistakes, has taken missteps or is presently taking them. We only do the best that we can, and any good deed that Allah grants us the opportunity to perform should be considered a blessing that we take advantage of. Instead of worrying about not being good enough, we can instead consider this as an opportunity to be thankful to Allah for concealing our negatives, and pray, “O Allah, forgive me for what they do not know about me, and make me even better than what they think.”

(NJ: come to think of it, even the business world adopts this Islamic principle in terms of "dress to impress". regardless of whether his/her ability, the real world inevitably judge one another based on first impressions.)

You will be hard-pressed to find anyone on this earth who can be considered ‘worthy’ of being a representative of Islam, because everyone has one dimension or another in their faith or practice in which they are lacking. However that doesn’t mean we should stop encouraging each other by whatever means are available to us. There is a very beautiful hadith related to this issue:

Anas relates that, “We asked the Prophet ﷺ, ‘O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, shouldn’t we refrain from calling others to goodness if we don’t practice all good things ourselves, and shouldn’t we refrain from forbidding wrong things until we ourselves have abstained from all the bad?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘You should call others to goodness even if you don’t do all good, and you should forbid bad things even if you don’t abstain from all of them yourselves.’” (Al-Tabarani)

Remember that by wearing hijab you are not saying to others ‘I am Islam’, but simply that ‘I am a Muslim’, meaning – I am someone who is trying to follow this religion, who accepts it as truth, sees beauty in it and hopes to beautify myself with it. I remember a quote attributed to Yusuf Islam: “Islam is not a state of being but it is a process of becoming,” – becoming more, become better, striving to reach that state of perfect submission and connection with Allah Most High, and May He help all of us achieve that, ameen.

You also said that you feel hijab has not really made you a better Muslim. A lot of times when a person first starts performing a good deed they feel an iman ‘rush’, a feeling of happiness at doing something good for the sake of Allah and energy to do more, improve themselves, etc. However, after some time, when that action starts to become just another part of a daily routine, it loses that power, and that increase in iman and excitement dissipates.

What a person needs, instead of focusing on those ‘rushes’, is a steady and constant diet of good deeds and spiritual nourishment. We cannot rely on one particular deed to ‘make’ us better Muslims. Instead, we have to take the reigns and make sure we are doing things regularly that increase us in iman, like recitation of the Qur’an, performing salah with consciousness and focus, dhikr, and so on. Wearing hijab can definitely be one of those things, but it is only one part of a whole that needs to be constructed. Just like exercise is important for good health, yet it has to be combined with eating right and many other things in order for the person to see the desired results in the end.

Also know that there is a direct relationship between a person’s actions and their inner state. We know that when someone is in a high state of iman it’s natural for him or her to start performing more good deeds. However, we may overlook the fact that the opposite is true as well – that just performing good deeds, even if one may not be ‘feeling it’, can affect us and change us. The limbs are inroads, and performing good deeds with them can soften a hardened heart, bring enlightenment to a closed mind, and give a person a feeling of rejuvenation and desire to come closer to Allah and do more positive things. I heard a scholar say that if one is feeling troubled, confused or in a low state of iman, “go quickly to action”; because good deeds can bring about that inner reawakening one may need. If we don’t see a change happening in us when we do a good deed, that doesn’t mean we should stop it but that perhaps we need to supplement it with others in order to gather the momentum needed to see results.

Thirdly, you are absolutely correct when you say that the most important thing is for us to have purified hearts. Allah (swt) emphasizes this in the Qur’an when He states that on the Day of Judgment nothing will be of benefit to the servant except “one who brings to Allah a clean, sound heart” (26:89). The question is, how does one achieve that? What purifies us and cleanses our hearts?

In our times we find that some people feel that we’ve reached a more ‘enlightened era’ in which spirituality can be derived solely from philosophy and ideas, and need not be bound by rituals and details of religion. However those who propound this notion forget that Allah did not create us as minds and souls alone – but coupled them with our physical bodies. We cannot deny the fact that we are body and soul, content and form, together, and each has its own needs and specifications for refinement. This is a sunnah of Allah in the way that we were created, and why prayer, fasting, and all our spiritual endeavors have very specific physical components. These forms house within them dimensions of meaning, but it is only from enacting them precisely that a profound spirituality can be achieved.

Purifying our hearts is the goal, but the means to reaching that goal is through the very real and specific physical prescriptions and commandments that Allah (swt) has given us. It is through His obedience and through following the teachings of our deen that we clean and polish our hearts. It is for this reason that I have to say that hijab is not something trivial. Anything that leads us to spiritual awareness, elevation, and purification – that helps us come closer to Allah – cannot be considered trivial or petty. Perhaps it is more likely that there are hidden depths within it that we do not perceive, or that we are not putting it in the proper context of its deeper purpose and meaning.

About punishment from Allah: a better way of looking at this issue is not considering the smallness or pettiness of the sin, but the greatness of the One whom we are sinning against. From His infinite wisdom, all-encompassing knowledge and vast mercy, in accordance to His Law – which is at its core about attaining benefit and warding off harm – He has instructed us to perform this action. In the Qur’an Allah says, ‘It may be that you dislike something and in it is goodness for you’ (2:216); ‘It may be that you dislike a thing but Allah brings about from it a great deal of good.’ (4:19) If someone chooses to step away from a prescribed action knowingly, we cannot deny that this is a sin, and that Allah holds us to account for our sins. However we always have hope in and pray for Allah’s mercy and kindness, as we know He can forgive all sins if He chooses.

In closing, I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from a Hadith Qudsi. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala said:

“My servant draws not near to Me with anything more beloved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him.” (Bukhari)

Know, dear questioner, that if you feel far from Allah, the solution is not to stop what you are doing and find a different way, but to persevere and continue on the path you are on, even though it is hard. This will make you beloved to Allah, and one who feels the happiness of being close to Him and being shaded by His Loving Mercy and care.

May Allah enliven and enlighten our hearts and grant us closeness to Him. May He make us people who love to worship Him, and through our worship become close to Him and gain His love. May He make our hearts firm and steadfast on our deen, and grant us strength and bravery in our spiritual struggles. May He guide us to the best decisions and make easy for us the path of khayr [goodness]. Ameen ya Rabb.

WAllahu a`lam – and He alone knows best.

Wasalaamu alaykum.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/taking-off-the-hijab/

-----

To add to that, there has been a constant misconception about Hijab. It's not only a commandment bestowed solely upon Muslim women, but it is also an obligation for Muslim men. Furthermore, its implications extends beyond being just an article of clothing. It provides that spatial curtain providing privacy.

Yet, the simplicity of hijab cannot be limited to just the modest garb Muslims don. From a relativist perspective, Hijab should permeate through the whole human lifestyle. Hijab, modesty in this case, is suppose to be implemented in speech, dining etiquette, human relations, social graces, and even personal thoughts amongst others.

Of course the principles have been laid out but implementations is another ball game all together. Yet knowing that these guidelines are available to help direct our lives for self-betterment and the better of the human race, one should feel comforted and not disoriented in the purpose of life.

-----

The truth needs no missionary to spread the word of God on the streets. If it is to be, enlightenment will come to the individual, by the grace of God (Allah). It simply takes that little effort to search for it.

2011-05-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

When you have nothing but time on your side, you start going bold with decision makings. Plans made at the eleventh hour will still follow suit. One hour notice will suffice; of course taking into consideration who you are planning it with.

----

Just as cats are therapeutic, food too has the same antidepressant effect on me. I've taken it a notch higher; not to stuff myself to death, but to create edible work of arts. Yes, that's how much faith I have in myself. *scorns*

Although I must say I do not have the preferred patience and precision required for baking. As pretty as baking looks, I feel restricted by the strict need to follow the damn recipe. Why? Simply because, overtime I try to be bold and challenge the process, the cakes/pastries/cookies/what you may always end up as such a failure. A friend once said, "baking is more feminine, cooking's masculine". Right.

Regardless, I still prefer culinary more. The enjoyment and satisfaction I gain from being in control of the fire is immense. Having the freedom to conjure a particular dish with whatever spice I can get my hands on in the kitchen. Being able to alter the taste every inch of the way and not be hindered once the mixture gets imprisoned by the oven. With that said though, there is no consistency in taste.

Wouldn't you think this could be an extension of my personality? Go figure.

----

Tomorrow I am making history.

For the first time in my life, I will be stepping into a gym - to actually use the facilities.

God forbid I pull any more muscles. Ever since training started with S, Hamstring is throwing tantrums again.

N better guide me through the whole agonizing process. Spare some safety & sympathy prayers for my plight people.

2011-05-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

2011-05-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

Edward Gorey

2011-05-10T18:43:00.005+08:00

Amidst the frenzy, it's comforting to know there are places around Singapore, which are unfrequented by the mere mortals, to wind down in. Am glad J&J made the trip around Singapore Town the other day. I finally got to step into a few stores I've only managed to admire through the net.

Whilst rummaging through some profile photos, I stumbled upon these ones. Ah, yes. The two stores I've been longing to go as well but never had the time nor effort to travel beyond City Hall.

The best part: The have store pet cats roaming around!
I have a coin album too; coins from Tokyo Disneyland's slot machine. The things I spent on back then. pfft.

How quaint ain't it?

Better make good use of this summer break.

2011-05-10T00:55:00.001+08:00

Saga seeds; I used to collect them every Sunday before Sunday School when it was at the old temporary building at Queenstown. She kept our 'saga supply' in a big jar in her bedroom. It was our only ingredient when we played Masak-masak, our only medicinal supply when we played Doctor-doctor. We even traded and made mock transactions with saga seeds.

We lived facing each other. Unlike many flats, we had an adorable corridor only we two had access to. The common corridor was our playground. That small square piece of common property was our makeshift home, clinic, market, kitchen - well you name it. I am sure we've converted that corridor into anything imaginable. She was from the madrasah and I was from the primary school 30metres away from our house. Despite the difference in upbringing, nothing could stop us from being the best of friends. I can still recall the times when we even resorted to playing through our balconies. Ought to go back to the old place and snap some shots.

----

Moments ago, Dad asked me, with a hush tone, if I remembered my childhood friend. Frankly, the first thought that came to mind was death. Not sure why the morbidness in thoughts.

Anyway, thank goodness it was a delightful piece of news. She is getting married this weekend and we are invited. Ever since I shifted houses from Pasir Ris Central to Pasir Ris West, we seemed to have simply disengage any form of connection. Again I can't recall why.

----

My memory is failing me in this blasphemous heat. But I am positive she is at least 3 years my senior. Happy for her and definitely can't wait to finally meet her again, only this time, she will be with her better half.

Ams also just informed us of her other cousin who's our age and will be getting married this coming week as well. She's Arab.

A senior who's a year older is already celebrating her son's first birthday in a few months time. Don't worry, the child is legitimate, conceived after marriage. She's Arab as well, they marry young.

My neighbour's Indian muslim.

Thankfully my Mom&Pop don't prescribe to the same cultural mentality to marry me off early or to arranged marriages. They macam opposition party like that.

In our family's social circle, once a girl hits 18, you light up on the radar like an approaching missile. Mami and mamu (term for Aunties & Uncles in indian peranakan) starts 'vulturing', on you during other weddings. Then comes the slew of questions (read: interrogation). No need for bouquet tossing to decide who's next. Immediate application.

I feel so guilty to . Yet I cannot find any way to appreciate let alone comprehend these practices. Maybe when I reach 30 and all I have to my name is a bedroom in my parents house, 10 cats, and too much cash will I be grateful. Till then, then.

----

Just fascinated by the idea that while I am slogging through school and contemplating about my own future, others are already strolling into the next phase of life.

----

Same pod of saga seeds.

Fate.

2011-05-07T00:42:00.002+08:00

photo credits to Raf.

Live dangerously, be carefree.

2011-05-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

Pasir Ris - Kovan - Chinatown - South Bridge Rd - Ann Siang Rd - Ann Siang Hill - Little India - Mustafa Center - Rochor Thief Market - Haji Lane - North Bridge Rd - Bugis.

We were short of Orchard.

----

@ Aloha Loyang with the Slamat Family.

Unfortunately the response lacks luster due to tomorrow morning's elections (most living in the West). Hopefully the crowd is better tomorrow.

All I can say now is, I am thankful for wireless & my macbook. Amin!

----

Anticipating the 'freak' results tonight.

2011-05-05T23:59:00.005+08:00

I wonder too why I suddenly take much interest in the general elections/politics. After all there is better things in life like the beds of roses and beaches. After all, I have not even reached the legal age to vote.

Existing systems may be sreally screwed up or some people just have too much time on their hand to spare (hence piously attending every single rally & even joining the opposition parties as nominees). Interpret it however way you may. One thing for sure, the sheer number of contest posed by the opposition is indeed historical.

Dad has had the passion for politics for God knows how long. And as he gets older, he seems to desire for that companionship to just talk about anything under the sun (reads politics&religion). Hence, the greatest inertia that sparked my interest is definitely him. Besides, it's only best that we youths prove the leaders wrong; that we're not as apathetic as they perceived us to be. There is a distinct line separating 'cant-be-bothered-to-be-informed' from 'cant-be-bothered-to-make-any-changes'.

Although come to think of it, the term that has been overly-used and maybe even abused, change, only spells out great ambiguity aye. Cause personal sentiment prefers evolution rather than revolution in political power.

----

I finally found the right companions & the right time to attend my virgin rally. Caught The Workers' Party in action at Serangoon Stadium. I went without having the slightest clue of what I was in for. After maghrib, we walked towards what seemed like a rock concert crowd; the crowd was already spewing over the curbs around the stadium. H was so determined to bring us girls into the core of the mass to get a full-blow experience. It is was left to my decision, I would have been contented standing on the curbs outside the stadium in safety distance if a stampede were to happen.

Indeed being part of a 30 000 odd crowd has an effect on you. Even as I type, the energy and fervor from the chants and cheers still resonates in me. This is truly an experience I can never forget.

But putting that excitement and 'semangat kental' aside, the speeches made especially by the Aljunied 'A' team left a mark in me, partly because I paid most attention to theirs simply because I came for them and not the rest. Pritam Singh, LTK, Sylvia Lim, CSM, Md Faisal (alamak Bang, your speech lemau abit la). Apart from having great public speaking skills, their vigor really came across fantastically.

Just take some time to watch the speeches of the above-mentioned and immerse yourself in the thrill and exhilaration.

----

I find it ironic that I regain my sense of pride & patriotism from an opposition party. Indeed within that span of 2 hours, it made me reestablish my national identity. There was always that intention to leave the country and establish my life somewhere better. This is undeniably a consideration by many youths. We're not talking about finding experience and broadening your perspective by living overboard. It's about going for good.

But, I have to live up to my words and make it my mantra: "The real winners are those who can pull themselves together after a defeat. Fight on." What's the use of running away from reality and never gets it solved when you should face it face-to-face right?

Hence, I've concluded that the biggest takeaway I can garner from this GE is not about who I should consider voting for for the GE2016. It's a more personal agenda. It's about how I need to gather courage to challenge the process I deem is inadequate and stand by my outlooks like those opposition members.

----

fear of rejection and dejection. Indeed these are the reasons why I am still suppressing certain feelings.

Join The Crowd

2011-05-05T13:38:00.001+08:00

last rally for the nominees.
first rally for me.

can't wait!
pompoms & popcorns.

2011-05-04T21:42:00.001+08:00

Song of the week on instant replay.

2011-05-04T13:24:00.002+08:00

“As you can taste a pot full of food with a spoon, likewise someone’s tongue can tell you about his heart.”
Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah

Muslim Scholar

"Never expect. Never assume. Never ask. And never demand. Just let it be. If it's meant to be, it will happen."

- Anonymous

2011-05-03T21:30:00.004+08:00

I may be a few days lagged to blog about the royal wedding. Seriously, I don't see the need to fuss about it and can't exactly figure out how this will be a possible political 'gimmick' as suggested by some people I know. seriously, gimmick?! hard not to say: That is shallow.

Although the gown is definitely gorgeous and well, decent I suppose. Anyway, I love how the youtube homepage has that segment "Videos recommended for you"... At times, they showcase the most random recommendations.

then it struck me:

for a young girl or a young lady, disney cartoons seems timeless. for me at least.

why do girls adore disney princesses or at least those fairy tale endings?

go figure.

-----

that was reassuring.

there is hope in the near future.

2011-05-02T22:04:00.005+08:00

another young candidate that has gotten my respect and admiration.

plus, he was an smu post-grad. must support my peopleafter all, we same same indians mah.

----

family bonding time.

spent the last 2hours watching online opposition rallies.

----

mjcsb's syf tomorrow.

a change to be the one sitting in the audience seat now.

despite the great desire to perform on stage once again, I am so thankful the madness of back-to-back practices and all is now a distant memory.

----

2011-05-02T15:53:00.003+08:00

Funeral Blues

Wystan Hugh Auden (1907-1973)

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

One of the few poems that really sticks with me after one read.

If only I could express my happiness or grief like Auden.

2011-05-01T20:31:00.003+08:00

may day for some. hari raya for me&my family. after the wedding and the open house, dad&mom decided to do some rounding around singapore - from yishun, to bugis, to sengkang. to do some family home visits. I even got $20 from my dear uncles. And I was all geared up in kebab and all. Hence, I named it mini raya :)

This song has been playing a few times throughout the whole day on the radio, while Dad's driving.

Then he made a very interesting comment:

"Nicole Seah should use this song as her intro song for her rally. 'Appeal' to the young ones. you know be more creative. And then she can make the link, you know it's not about the money, money, money...singaporeans don't need to be bribed my money la..."

something like that. But it was hilarious! Despite not agreeing how such intros would be rather umm distasteful, probably frowned upon by uptight citizens and come across as unprofessional, Dad does have a point. ahhh you've got to be there. haha.

joker much!

-----

ouhyes. I felt really evil just now at Aunt's house cause I made her grandson (yes my Aunts are grandmas already) cry. I pinched his cheeks real bad. He's so fat, round and big! I love it!

2011-05-01T10:19:00.005+08:00

Credits to Shafiq for sharing this on mji. It's an hour long but it's a really good watch.

It's beautiful to see one who undertakes a life journey to find peace and truth. I suggest for friends who want more to life than just terrestrial accomplishments, instant gratification and even to fill that constant incomprehensible void in you, search for truth in all corners. It makes your final choice more fulfilling.

-----

2011-04-29T15:04:00.002+08:00

frankly, summer break life has been rather mundane to deserve privileges to a post. hence, I've resorted to the random trivia and well, politics. Really starting to take interest since it simply occurred to me (not to long ago) that these policies will indeed affect my future livelihood. as much as I am sheltered by the guidance and being taken care of by my parents, I am entering the workforce sooner than I would like to.

----

Had a conversation with a few friends just now. Unfortunately, they don't have the same sentiments as me for Nicole Seah. Maybe, she does not have the substance just yet. Maybe, she has not grassroots experience, with only her CCA records to back her for credibility.

But, I cannot stress more how deeply mesmerized I am by the fire in her speech and the maturity and flare she possessed. It is only fair to compare her with TPL. It's not an ageist issue. But, it's an issue of fairness, don't you think?

----

It's alright. Should spend my leisure time with more productive activities really. Shall go read the stack of books I had ambitiously loaned from the school library.

Rally tonight. Who's on for it!

2011-04-29T14:32:00.002+08:00

A friend actually bothered to excavate this excerpt out. He is still enraged by the comment made by the minister. I may not share the same passion as him but I respect the deep concern he has on the position of Malays in Singapore. At times, I am simply blinded by the wealth and luxury I live in to see beyond the candy-coated reality.

Singapore Constitution, Part XIII, General Provisions, Minorities and special position of Malays, section 152:

The Government shall exercise its functions in such manner as to recognise the special position of the Malays, who are the indigenous people of Singapore, and accordingly it shall be the responsibility of the Government to protect, safeguard, support, foster and promote their political, educational, religious, economic, social and cultural interests and the Malay language.

-----

Just interesting to know this actually exist in the constitution. But, I wonder what it is suppose to mean.

2011-04-29T01:53:00.004+08:00

2011-04-27T19:20:00.003+08:00

just got back from camp.

exceeded expectations frankly in terms of my learning process.

hopefully I can be a better leader than what I am before.

----

ooo 2 days away from the real world without internet access and mainland singapore seemed to have so much excitement!!

----

i've never requested any gift for my birthday from both my parents, now anyone for that matter.

but i got a pleasant surprise when dad handed me a new phone! (finally! ok i will guard it with my life now)

android - samsung galaxy thingy...suddenly i feel so noob.

can one phone be so complicated to navigate? or is it just me? but I really appreciate it.

dad's been keeping it a surprise for 4 days now since I was at camp and I could see the eagerness in his eyes to present it to me.

Thanks Dad. See, how can you go angry at him for so long? it's just plain cruel.

----

2011-04-26T01:46:00.004+08:00

on a sidenote, caught Rio with the family on sunday. Got free movie passes. awesome possum. Mom only had to spent $14 for popcorn. Never can you spend below $20 for a family movie outing can you?

Anyway, the soundtracks are all so impressive! Here is one of my favorites. simply cause it's soothing to the ears. not really good with musical theory hence i am still trying to figure out what genre this kind of music is. bossanova? enlighten me if you can.

go check out the other songs. better, just go watch the damn movie. aye the plot is as predictable as it can be. but, i still think it's adorable. the jokes were universal, i heard laughters belted by moms, pops, and the lil' kids there. so that's me promoting the show. :)

----

ok will need to try hard and catch some sleep before tomorrow's adventures.

----

2011-04-26T01:06:00.002+08:00

started training again after 3 weeks break.

one word summary: pain

seems like the injuries I obtain for IVP is back to haunt me. better get my hamstring checked now.

----

i basically have been gorging on comfort food just to celebrate my

1) defeat in IVP (hey give me credit, I had to strictly watch my diet to maintain the weight requirement)

2) success in surviving year 1 in SMU! (totally ignoring how bad I predict the grades for sem 2 would be)

3) well, just because. I LIVE TO EAT. haha. totally explains my ballooning. sigh. it's bad. but I LOVE LIFE.

anyway. will be away for the next two days. going for leadership camp at choa chu kang. so see ya then!

----

i finally brought myself to visit the library and grab hold of real hardcover books.

ouh how i miss the old musty smell of books.

though i still can't find the fiction section of the smu library. feels like a labyrinth in there. gosh.

----

The Myth of Multitasking - How "Doing It All" Gets Nothing Done. Written in the narrative. Really effective in making it a more relatable and palatable. I simply pored over it for a solid hour on the library couch. would try to implement the techniques taught for the next term and to basically make life more coordinated.

----

2011-04-24T22:11:00.002+08:00

strong urge to rant.

but the feeling of helplessness just overpowers me.

things don't always go the way it seems. at times you know when you're guilty of the crime, at times you're just oblivious.

this time, I wasn't even an accomplice but I became intertwined with guilt simply due to seniority. it's a tough case you see since the patriarch is the plaintiff.

---

anyway, it's exhausting to always give in. being the eldest, it's almost an immediate obligation. imagine any personal experience and have it multiplied by 2 to know the position i am in.

technically, the issue is not entirely related to this at all. but...ouh. nevermind.

---

2011-04-24T17:00:00.000+08:00

beautiful song.

2011-04-24T15:03:00.005+08:00

a good friend communicated on how my posts pertaining to islamic insights did intrigued him.

never knew there are people out there who actually take the time to review my 2cents worth of opinions. hence, it is a humbling experience.

truthfully, my intentions were mainly for self-realisation & self-reflection.

but at times, it's to convey my religious obligation to correct the crime of misrepresenting media repeatedly commits in portraying my religion, my way of life.

after all, anyone can learn&adopt a thing or two from the islamic principles without being one himself.

it's universal.

----

hence, I had an epiphany. maybe there may be a greater implication why I experienced a heavy heart when I contemplated as to whether I should delete this blog away. Maybe there was a purpose to it.

Anyway, something caught my eye just now during my daily routine of web browsing for online readings.

Gender Apartheid or Respectable Interaction?

A good topic to ponder on. Anyway the gist of the article was to justify why Islam mandates for segregation of the gender during social interactions. Many find this preposterous, seeing the women as subservient to men. But take it from me, I feel more secure and respected with the principles put in place. And this appreciation can only be achieved when one truly understands the justification which is not only logical but religious.

undeniably, the biological make-up of humans has it such a way that we inevitably feel strong connections to each other. when we forge close friendships regardless of gender, there is a deep connection beyond what we can obtain through acquaintanceship. you know how sometimes you just look at your friend in the eye and he/she and telepathically we immediately know what the other is thinking about. and most of the time, I find it almost impossible for a platonic relationship to last between cross-gender friendships. From personal experience, I've always ended up feeling infatuated despite not having any 'feelings'. Simply put it, it just happens.

Hence, without control, this infatuations will only escalate to something greater. In the modern world, it is not uncommon to see and hear about friends with benefits. As mankind supposedly gets more knowledgeable, they become more liberal in their view of life. I see good in it; we are not backward, microscopic nor too-conservative in our perspective. Hence, it allows for progression of the human race.

However, let's look back at the implications on the issue of social interactions in a overtly-liberal world. Understanding the science of Man, Islam has ensured we prevent opportunities for excessive free interaction to prevent us from succumbing to our carnal desires. After all, how much satisfaction can we get from worldly pleasures? At most, it's momentarily. In the long run, it only brings about more social complications and physical harm. Just look at how corporations discourage employees to have romantic relationships with one another. It has the potential to bring inefficiency to the job, especially if the couple are on the 'silent treatment' after a fight, yet a job partners. yea you get the picture.

Hence, the separation of genders in public especially between non-related individuals(in term of bloodline), has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority of one over the other. Separation only aims to promote decency and modesty.

Yet with that said, I cannot deny that the extremist practice of some Islamic states may have put the whole Islamic community under a bad name. For example, how in Saudi Arabia, women are not allowed to drive without a mahram(a man who is either her husband, father, son, uncle, etc. basically a man she can't marry due to blood relation). But, for any learned individual who is only a tourist to the religion, one should consider the cultural implications rather than taking it to mean and represent the religion in its entirety. Personally, I cannot fathom what female driving have to do with religious teachings. There may possibly be an issue of masculine pride? I don't know. Due to my lack of in-depth knowledge on the arabian culture&heritage, I am not in a position to judge extensively.

Alright, my brain's squeezed dry at the moment.

----

It's not a religion per say; it is a way of life.

It has an answer to one's every doubt one might ever have.

I guarantee.

----

on the side note,

I can't confess enough how much I love cats. Just a random trivia.

Spent the whole afternoon caressing uncle's 9 cats at his house in Rochor.

pretty creatures, the bunch of them.

2011-04-23T20:18:00.001+08:00

first dish out of the new kitchen.

new kitchen.

2011-04-23T19:12:00.001+08:00

green deco. simple and quite attractive looking i must say!

made of well, eggs.

made from cut-out tissue rolls.
made from PVC pipes. pretty!

2011-04-23T18:11:00.003+08:00

Ustaz is adorable enough to inject humor and well stories into every week's lesson. interesting how despite the great digression and deviation, he turns it back and connects it to the lesson. in the spirit of GE, this week, he chose stories that had connections or intended puns. Loved it! let's share some then.

Do you know that the first voting ever carried out in recorded history was after the demise of our revered Prophet Muhammad(pbuh). They created a voting system to elect and agree on who the next khalifah(caliph) should be. Unlike the complicated GRCs we have now, back then life was more simplistic. There were three potential candidates. Aligning religion and politics, they ensured humility and grace and no backlashes were practiced. There wasn't self-nomination as that could lead to hubris. Islam highly prohibits its followers to feel superior over others in terms of status and standing of any kind.

Saiyidina Abu Bakar, the first elected caliph, was neither a paid high salary (if any) nor did he demanded for any. In fact. he left his wealth in pursuit of islamic righteousness. The religion did not demand that materialistic sacrifice from him. In the passion and love for the truth, he knows that worldly wealth can only lasts a man so long. It is not sustainable for afterlife.

---

Debauchery is an action of a Man with no principles. I cannot entirely swallow the reason given by our leaders on how we need to consent their high pays to prevent corruption, let alone the idea of them wanting to increase it. To think that the high pay may be an intended incentive to draw people into politics, don't you think that would draw the wrong crowd?

If you want the truly capable ones to lead, and to join the proper parties, review what's lacking in you to make many turn their backs on you.

Okay I think I deviated. Anyway, my opinions may very well be simplistic but think about it; there is definitely truth to it.

---

2011-04-23T01:19:00.003+08:00

Nicole Seah: http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/specials/General_Election/62734.html#/site/servlet/ajax/page?channel=contentbean%3a59830&view=asLargeVideoListBoxPage&page=1&autoLoad=true&video=contentbean%3a62734@59830_largeListPage@1303492262358

Tin Pei Ling:

http://www.razor.tv/site/servlet/segment/main/General_Election/61336.html

There has been a rumpus about the two young ladies who has entered the political scene - Nicole Seah & Tin Pei Ling. Honestly, I haven't been following up on the stories about this two until I saw a snippet of an interview. Of course I am all for women empowerment. But, there's also a matter of feminine pride. Alright that aside, it's just very intriguing to see young blood representing my youthful views in the parliament.

Of course my own political grasp is a far cry from theirs, but I am definitely allowed to provide an honest opinion, of course without defaming them.

Nicole Seah comparably stands out as a mature individual despite her being 3 years junior to TPL. I have been able to fully comprehend her sentiments probably due to the same generation and somewhat similar family background we come from. Evidently, she exudes more poised and professionalism evidently lacking in TPL. As much youth as one may possess, I doubt any MP would narrate about the lack of opportunity or the 'regret' of not being able to have a family outing to USS...or even about how one treated one's parents to a 10-day trip to Italy. I doubt these are the proper interview etiquettes an MP should practice.

Da jie, we don't exactly want to know what you've been doing during your hols. We want to know how you can speak for me without having the youth's voice mocked by the nation. We're apathetic enough as it is.

Nonetheless, there is an obvious lack of juice found in the things they two can offer at this stage. But I am still reassured. Somehow I see a beacon of hope in NSP.

2011-04-22T22:58:00.006+08:00

cousin shared something similar just now. coincidentally i came across this a while ago.

---

while reminiscing about the past, a distinct memory of a quote Cikgu Zain mentioned came to light:

If anything is meant to be, no matter how much we plan for or against it, the whole universe will still conspire to make it happen.

even if you don't believe in fate, think about it. consider murphy's law. consider your failures. consider your success. just consider it.

He managed to convince me with this adage almost immediately after he voiced it out.

---

2011-04-22T22:30:00.005+08:00

blogs usually function as an online diary, ultimate bitching corner, virtual recipe books, aye you name it. seems like the contents of my posts are completely arbitrary.

anyway, here's a whimsical one.

just a random painting? guess again...

this guy, Ben Wilson if I am not mistaken, was hired to paint the chewing gum stains on the five-foot ways of some American state. Reason given: too costly to invest in the chewing gum stain exterminator machine thingamajig. The things the Americans do. But, have to give credit for the out-of-this-world solution. Quite interesting. Bet it would cause me to stop for a second from my hectic life and just embrace the ground I walk on for a moment.

---

homemade pizza was healthy and delish. though I think I might have over-eaten. succumb to excitement and surrendered to the spoilt choices of desserts the families brought over.

2011-04-22T12:04:00.004+08:00

Alright. My mind is at peace and hence I believe this is a good time to provide my opinions regarding a certain issue raised by Mr Yaakob Ibrahim.

He might have been a victim of media's infamous misquoting or simply to only extract sentences that sell. Yet, looking at it in its entirety, the proposed solution is still unacceptable. The issue becomes more complicated since the Malay language is supposedly the national language of Singapore. As uniquely Singapore as we are, it is interesting to see how policies have been implemented before the time of my existence to ensure English is made official. Undoubtedly, it has brought us many economic opportunities to surge forward as a nation. Yet, we cannot deny how there's a visible backlash in such policies arising in the newer generations.

In my perspective, wanting to demote the malay language from its status of a mother tongue to one that is only recognize as a foreign language is not only degrading to the people of its origin but also degrading to the nation. It's not a community issue, it's a national issue. One cannot deny that malay is the only declining language. Undeniably Mandarin and even the Chinese dialects are facing far worse attrition rates than that of my language, considering the share of pie the chinese demographics are filling. What I can infer from this idea of solution is the perception that we are over-simplifying the issue. What makes one think that eradicating the existing language status will help to reverse or even stop the further declination? Having a status lower than what it is before only makes it less significant. After all, for the target audience this solution was intended to help (the malays who come from english-speaking background or have been living in overseas english communities most of their lives and who just came back here), there are other options like Malay 'B'. You may disagree with me, but as much as one tries to deny the mother tongue, one should not neglect the roots of one's ancestor. Many youths today may see this connection as redundant but directly and/or indirectly, it shapes the entire universe you stand on.

Recently, we have been under the limelight for quite numerous occasions - the Mas Selamat Great Escape&Hideout issue (how Singapore should not blame the malay singaporeans?! say what?), Integration Issue, and now this. From a personal perspective, I find that none of it was ever necessary. The largest disappointment I got from this whole issue was the fact that the man who voiced this out was supposed to be the representative of entrenched community. It belittles us and leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. One will then start to speculate the standing in the social hierarchy we may have because there is so many implications one can achieve.

There are a plethora of ways to impede further decline. One immediate way is to review the teaching pedagogy of the malay mother tongue in schools. I am sure there hasn't been much refinement made officially judging by the lack of media coverage. From personal memories, as much as I adored Malay scrabbles (sahibba-we played this countless times in class) and the lovely charismatic malay teachers, I didn't exactly enjoy lessons because of the dry and lack of thrill of the language. It could very well be the nature of language studies but in this age where experimental learning are aplenty, there is definitely many ways we can improve the situation.

As much as I can voice my opinion via the web or forum or simply coffeshop chitchat with pals, on my part, I am definitely taking initiatives to up my grasp of the malay language. Speaking malay amongst friends is still being practiced of course but its going beyond that verbal exchange to preserve its authenticity.

takkan melayu hilang di dunia, takkan bahasa pupus begitu sahaja.

---

awesome. families coming over for homemade pizza & kitchen warming after friday prayers. Awesome bonding time- malay stylee:)

2011-04-21T20:51:00.004+08:00

“It may be timely for us to teach Malay as a foreign language rather than as a mother tongue” : Yaacob Ibrahim

seriously?!

bahasa menunjukkan bangsa. go figure!

---

grabbed this headline from toc. just read another one pertaining to the same issue on

sgpolitics also.

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2011/04/it-may-be-timely-for-us-to-teach-malay-as-a-foreign-language-rather-than-as-a-mother-tongue-yaacob-ibrahim/

am trying very hard to suppress my enraged malay self. i still can't fathom, let alone accept, his rationale. shall blog about this issue in a while. can't let anger take over the keyboard. the comments would be too prejudicial.

----

ooo juicy. now they've mentioned that he was misquoted. whatever it is, the sentiments that i garner from it is still unacceptable.

2011-04-20T18:50:00.004+08:00

This is a really good series. the one about 'bottle water consumption' was shared during the training just now.

one thing that struck me out of the whole video was this thing about "manufactured demand". A powerful but horrifying idea. The ability for these corporations to shape our lifestyle by seducing and abusing our perceived needs. And you thought you had the choice over your freedom. Think again. Was it really necessary for you to have that certain product? Would you have died or have a life less meaningful if it wasn't invented?

Maybe, it's a little extreme. after all, life's about changes. though, it's a very good way to have another perspective over certain issues.

---

from braddell for the workshop. now back in school for sports camp meeting. Damn I am exhausted...But! will definitely pen down the contents of a certain theory Farheen&Juliah introduced just now. Really intriguing stuff! If you even bother to read this, then you MUST read my next post! :D wait for it. wait for it...

2011-04-19T23:17:00.003+08:00

EMAILS

Spammers love them. Students loathe them-well, students like me loathe them. Don't get me wrong. I am for technology and the new media. It's the little fact that people around me abuse it that irks me to the core.

I am a strong advocate for a balanced lifestyle between family&work. Hence, I feel strongly obliged not to be connected or associated with the academic world(what work with be called henceforth) for the next few months to fully embrace the summer break. (okay, who am I kidding?! I've been back in school yesterday&today, even if it was for an hour or so).

Despite it being a click away, I so dread that moment my mouse scrolls over that mail icon and it starts bouncing - signalling it's downloading all the hogwash&baloney. Didn't log into the school mail for ONLY 2 days and hoards of them start flooding in. The thing is, all 30 of them pertains to an important issue. Hence, the beginning of that suicidal browsing.

---

JOB

Makes me wonder then, would I want a job that pays me to talk to people via that white box hovering over my desktop? Frankly, I am a people person and I can talk thrice more sentence in the same time I need to type one. The fact that I will never understand the ground if I constantly hide behind the desk. Just like how things are being ruled out in the real world.

Then when I start pondering about my life and career in the near future, it brought me back to the essence of life. Is/Was it meant to be material wealth? Because, right now, all I want is to ace the test, be on the dean's list, be this be that, do this do that. At time, I wonder too if it really is for the passion of being outgoing or simply to be outgoing to fit the bill of 'The One' by employers.

---

FAITH

The thought popped into my head a few hours ago. After rushing down to school at 3pm to collect my reimbursement from Cambodia trip, met Mom to do some shopping at Taka. Then, had a nice really early(5.30pm) dinner with parents. Been a while since I had both parents all to myself. Then, while driving along the expressway beside Whampoa area (yea I have no idea which acronym belongs to this particular expressway...), Dad asked Mom if she wanted to go visit a certain elderly. She said, why not! Hence, the furious swerve to the exit.

This 80year old couple were Mom's old Quranic verses recitation teacher during her young days. Up till today, we still keep in touch and they're synonymous to family. Every 1st day of hari rya aidilfitri, we'll visit them but can only stay for less than 15minutes since she has many guests visiting her. not much room to host guests in a cosy 1 room flat.

But, what struck me just now was how simple their lifestyle is. Sure, they definitely have financial issues and setbacks. Behind each crease in that face, I know they're in hardship. but, one thing they uphold strongly is their faith. He was so prompt to perform his prayer, a far cry from my practice.

So, it made me reflect how when one lives in sheer luxury and secured life, the world revolves around us and tend to forget the larger universe. It's just as cliche as it sounds but we can't deny how the thought always slips away.

I get close to Allah when I am in trepidation. During my easy days, I tend to forget who ultimately gives me these opulence in life. It ultimately becomes a humbling experience because sometimes I neglect the fact that having more than others does not authorize you to feel superior over others. It all comes back to the purpose of life.

After all, the world is only a stopover. The real one is for hereafter.

2011-04-19T12:59:00.001+08:00

somewhere out there.

so adorable.

somewhere out there.

hilarious.

"if you love brownies, you love life"

that's a simplistic view of life. i like.

2011-04-18T23:47:00.002+08:00

why aren't these here.

comfort chewies.

2011-04-17T22:52:00.006+08:00

since time is on my side, i decided to revive this ole space here and just rant about anything under the sun.

---

revamping my room (in the near future).

been looking for inspiration.

mom suggested downgraded my queen size bed to a single bedder, to give my room more space for my stash(es). wonder why she bought the big one in the first place. i've never slept on the left side before.

---

i have a great penchant for damarsk. it's a collision of bold duo-colours with an even bolder choice of repetitive designs.

anywho, the brown shade my room's been dawning for the past 5 years or so has definitely been against my will. she has a knack of making us submit to her choices. but hey, no debates there; she's Mother!

hence, as I've just entered the almost 'age of consent', i mean come on, being 20 is such a leap in that life rat race. superficiality reigns supreme in this world. and frankly, i think how one's room looks like (in terms of cleanliness and well, aesthetic appeal) inevitably defines one's true self.

so, to take advantage of the fact that we're gonna paint the whole house again (to match the new sassy kitchen), I want my room to now look the way I've always pictured it to be.

I've came up with 4 tones which greatly intrigues me:

turquoise, dark brown, deep purple, granite grey

after some clicks away, I saw a similar depiction of my vision:

if i had my way, the kitchen washroom would look like this.

it's a bold choice i have to admit. but my room's my worldly solace and i believe it's justified to make it look tremendous aye.

ooo yea a more subtle colour scheme. nonetheless still a theme similar to what i have in mine.

damarsk bedsheets in turquoise and dark brown!

to have the wallpaper on the wall with all the other bold furniture designs is like going too far with my obsession. but i like the look of that lofty chair

and to ensure that I don't even need an elusive budget, I shall simply re-use all the country furniture that is existing in my room. but, to buy some lacquer and turquoise paint, new pseudo-vintage knobs and voila! it will look like the one above.

just some random pic i found...since we were at the notion of damarsk...this looks very much like what Kate Spade would have designed. pretty much.

---

okay. off to find more inspiration.

---

2011-04-17T21:41:00.005+08:00

friend and i talking about bowls of berries.

---
as much as I love my bowl(s) of cereal in the morning, many cereals out there abuse their power as a day starter. they're simply sugar masked by the deceptive wheat&rice grain. but, i'm still a sucker for it. bite me.

---

to officially grace my summer break tomorrow, i shall have a nice jog to the park and/or have macs breakfast. though it will simply diminish the purpose of the former.

and yes. maybe go rounding around katong/haig road area. just feel i need to get back to half my roots. one never hangs out in those area apart from the festive season. maybe can get hold of some great bargains on knick-knacks and what-nots.

before heading to school ay 730 pm. yes pm. for a meeting. well, you can never run away from it.

---

this is a declaration of my liberation. 4months. *inserts euphoric holler*

2011-04-17T09:49:00.002+08:00

Summer Break To-Do List

the materialistic things i would like to accomplish during this 4months.

1. cycling

2. baking

3. advanced culinary (beyond those instant carbs)

4. training for SP open

5. attend at least 1 opposition rally (dad's so excited to bring me to one. i am too!)

6. clean my room (it's beyond hope actually)

7. meet-up with ole pals

8. leave the country!

the spiritual things i would like to accomplish during this 4 months.

1. hafal juz-amma and surah maryam all over again

2. complete 30juz

3. go for more darul arqam seminars/talks

4. patience

5. willpower

----

off to bake butter rolls.

----

it's always comforting and touching when i have (surprise) meet-ups with good old buddies. regardless of the lack of topics we have in common to rant about, we always find something to say.

----

love the fresh look my kitchen's flaunting.

my mom's dream kitchen now a reality.

my haven for worldly solace.

2011-04-14T23:05:00.001+08:00

feel good song.

2011-04-09T18:45:00.003+08:00

soon, very soon.

2011-04-07T17:39:00.002+08:00

"Between being loved and being feared, I have always believed Machiavelli was right. If nobody is afraid of me, I’m meaningless.”

when you overstayed your duration in power, you get illuded by the status of a demigod. too much of a good thing is not good at all. as much as I feel grateful for the larger picture you painted, it was a cunning covering act. the paint's slowly peeling. people start seeing the gerrymandering that's been happening all these while.

Glee Cast - Loser Like Me (Glee Cast Version)

2011-04-07T01:41:00.000+08:00

an original aye.

Maddi Jane - Price Tag (by Jessie J)

2011-04-02T22:37:00.001+08:00

soothing rendition aye.

---

Ganda won silver. lost to NUS by a mere 7points. Kudos to the canary girls. Hopefully Nad's knee will be fully healed by end of the year so we can start training for next IVP's ganda. I want a medal so so bad. Never have I felt the urge to win as much as now.

2011-03-27T23:46:00.004+08:00

don't feel like expressing my inner-thoughts outwardly.

though it's definitely a good avenue to rant & ponder & reflect rather than suppressing the fear, anger, remorse, happiness, etc.

but one thing I realize about myself when I am writing a blog is, (subconsciously) I portray a persona other than myself. & personally it defeats the whole purpose of self-reflection if you ain-t yourself.

---

typing with a sprained right thumb is agony. pray that it will recover in 2 weeks time before final terms.

---

Anyway, this MAY be the (one of the) last posts for this blog. thinking of just shutting it down.

---

I just lost my first and last match for IVP '11.

Honestly, I am crushed and devastated. To have the whole team waiting with me and rooted for me; being the last match of the day at 830pm.

I had my gameface, gameplan, gameattitude, well you name it. I know I had it. I had so much confidence and determination to regain back the dignity of SMU.Silat. All the queasiness, fear and hesitation simply vanished once I had the vest on & took the first step onto arena C.

We have one of the smallest team. We are the smallest team. We were our own fighters, we were our own supporters. And for those who really do know me, I only join for passion rather than to simply hop onto the bandwagon and be the in-crowd. Heck, I have to constantly give a crash introduction as to what this sport of mine is to almost every sum kid in school. As shameful as it may be that they are oblivious to the existence of this sports excellence cca, all I can say is we ourselves may be to blame. have got to alter our marketing and publicity plans. and I will gladly take that challenge during this summer break.

anyway, back to the tournament.

having always been involved in a group-based cca - netball, soccer & band, it's a tough transition to abruptly enter a domain that greatly emphasize on individuality. Perfection is not the key like what band teaches you. It's about this resilience to get back up on your feet after a hard (literal) fall.

I must say I was quite surprised I wasn't breathless at the end of the match. Although it could meant something else, I simply will choose to take that it means my stamina is great. Yes, let's keep it at that. :)

---

No doubt, she was a stronger opponent, but I have to say I didn't quite like her sportsmanship. That could have been her gameplan to intimidate me( though it only made me want to punch her more). You know, when you're fighting a losing battle, the next thing to do is just enjoy the game and fight to the best of what you have left. So I did. And I tore her uniform, left&right. "Whoops?". It's not even half as bad as the rough play she adopted so I guess we can call it (almost) even.

---

Apart from that, it seems that we were the only team that left the hall still lifting our heads up high despite the sole win we got as compared to others who've won countless matches, yet still got tough team talks after the event.

As cliche as it is, I rather lose the battle but not lose my dignity; being torn away from the chain of winning but not having my fighting spire torn.

Even as I know the silat community is not big and generally dominated by junior and/or national fighters, it only spark the flame in me to want to practice harder and really win a medal for good.

Redemption: SP Open this coming June.

(though I can't deny I am aching from knowing I was that close to my first medal despite all the comfort talk)

2011-03-23T14:39:00.001+08:00

I know how now.

Fat. (she says with the depressing typical female voice)

Stuffed her face in hope that she can eat away all her misery.

2011-03-22T17:52:00.004+08:00

when people are stress, they get ugly.

real ugly.

i wonder how i look like and behave when i am stress.

maybe it's just as ugly, or worse.

sounds misleading. as though I am still living a frivolous carefree life.

shall make myself clear. "wonder how i look like and behave when i am overtly stress."

---

back to work.

2011-03-21T17:52:00.002+08:00

want to visit there again.

But it's strictly by invite-only.

Yet to receive mine from Him.

---

Void and emptiness within.

Chris Medina - What Are Words

2011-03-08T20:47:00.001+08:00

teared.

Epitome of true love.

Neon Trees - Animal (ACOUSTIC LIVE!!!)

2011-03-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

they found a new fan.

Neon Trees - Baby (JUSTIN BIEBER COVER)

2011-03-04T00:27:00.001+08:00

she's no beiber-belieber.

but she can't deny this cover is edgy and catchy.

although, after a few listens, the lead does get annoying.

Vinyl Records

\

Shameless Confessions

Ethics of Outsourcing Pregnancy to India - Michael Sandel

Singapore Management UniversityDo you know that the Li Ka Shing library in SMU is probably the only library in Singapore with the longest day-day operating hours (8am to 12am)? One of SMU's effort to show their unrivalled support for their students. (:

Join The Crowd

Funeral Blues

Wystan Hugh Auden (1907-1973)

“It may be timely for us to teach Malay as a foreign language rather than as a mother tongue” : Yaacob Ibrahim

Glee Cast - Loser Like Me (Glee Cast Version)

Maddi Jane - Price Tag (by Jessie J)

Chris Medina - What Are Words

Neon Trees - Animal (ACOUSTIC LIVE!!!)

Neon Trees - Baby (JUSTIN BIEBER COVER)

Singapore Management University
Do you know that the Li Ka Shing library in SMU is probably the only library in Singapore with the longest day-day operating hours (8am to 12am)? One of SMU's effort to show their unrivalled support for their students. (: